I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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