im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize