mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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