"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
