Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
