You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Randomize