My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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