every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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