um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
