I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I need a burrito and a hug.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
