He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
