she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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