I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
