I'd wear matching sweaters with you
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
