A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
