Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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