Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
