Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
my poor anus
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
