somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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