Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
