you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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