Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
