I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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