Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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