I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
