I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
