question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
