i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
