if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
