I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
