You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize