Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
That was an excessively violent trivia night
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
