I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
