i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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