Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You need Xanax blowdarts
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize