No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize