Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Randomize
