i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
