Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Randomize
