ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
So apparently I’m into choking now
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
