One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize