new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
