So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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