I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
