Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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