you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
