The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
