fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
The best revenge is premature balding
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
