Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
