its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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