The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
