My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
