Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Found the puke drawer
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
