I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
