They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
