You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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