hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
