You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
