thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
