I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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