i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
