She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
