I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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