you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
