WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize