the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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