I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
