I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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